Just Ask Elizabeth - Should I Get A Reading?

Dear Elizabeth,

Friends of mine have consistently seen a medium throughout the years. They swear by their accuracy, warmth, and advice. I, however, have never seen a psychic or medium and never took much interest in the “spiritual” realm.

What are your thoughts on this? I will admit, I’m curious to see what they would have to say. Should I get a reading? To medium or not… that is the question!

Sincerely,
Medium Seeker


Dear Medium Seeker,

If you’re curious, get a reading! The first medium I ever saw said two things to me that she could have never known, it was so spot-on that it was frightening. Her readings are always positive, reassuring, and helpful in guiding me towards the correct life path if I find myself at a fork in the road. If you decide to have a reading, I would strongly suggest getting a recommendation from a friend or loved one who has seen the readers before. Much like doctors, try to read the reviews and do a bit of research before just showing up at the office. Many require appointments in advance.

Try to have your birth information handy. This includes your birth date, location, and time if you have it. Many of these mediums will like to pull up your birth chart to guide your reading. Also, have a question in mind for them on what information you are looking for more insight into or where you need help figuring things out in your life. If you don’t have a question, just a general reading will be fine, too.

Be careful not to offer any background information in the correspondence before your reading and wait to see what your reading consists of. This will make you feel better if they reveal something they would have never known otherwise (such as a family secret, or divorce). You will be pleasantly surprised!

Let me know how this turns out for you. Be open to what they have to say; most of my readings have been positive and given me valued advice. Take what you would like from the reading and throw away the rest.

Good luck!

Elizabeth

Just Ask Elizabeth - Moving On From Mr. Wonderful

Dear Elizabeth,

I’m embarrassed to admit that I still deeply miss my ex. No matter how much time passes, I seem unable to get him out of my head. Any advice on getting over a “Mr. Wonderful”?

Signed,
Still Missing Mr. Wonderful


Dear Still Missing Mr. Wonderful,

Yes, read all of my books immediately! Kidding aside, missing an ex whether they were “Mr. Wonderful” or “Mr. Not-So-Wonderful” is totally normal, and moving on is not an overnight process. There is no magical trick. Give yourself some time to heal.

I recommend journaling if you have not started already. Make lists of what you miss and what you do not miss. See which list is longer. BE HONEST with yourself when writing the list. Figure out what your deal breakers are. For me, cheating was a deal-breaker. Refer to the “do not miss” column every time you find yourself missing your ex.

Talk to the people you love. Friends and family may help to keep you on track, reminding you why it’s a good thing your ex is no longer in your life and how much better you deserve. 

If these two suggestions fail to work, seek out a therapist. Ask your friends for suggestions for names of therapists; chances are they know of a good one. You can also find one in your area and under your insurance plan on Psychologytoday.com. I met a young gal who visited my Feisty Woman table at a local holistic event. She had tried my first two suggestions, journaling, and talk therapy but still struggled. I recommended a therapist to her and she seemed happiest with that suggestion. 

Choose what works for you. You can move on. You deserve a great life!

Best of luck,
Elizabeth

Just Ask Elizabeth - Helpful Tips On The Road To Recovery

Dear Elizabeth,

I really enjoy reading your blog! I know that most of your advice is about relationships but I was wondering if you could offer some advice to someone recovering from a serious medical condition. I recently suffered a stroke and am having a difficult time moving forward and keep thinking my life will never return to the way it was. In short, I am feeling hopeless. I would really appreciate some “feisty woman” inspiration. 

Sincerely, 

In Recovery Mode

Dear In Recovery Mode,

I also suffered from a stroke and it took a long time to feel better. I can share a few things that helped me. Know that it is a journey, and I hope that each day brings you closer to full recovery! Be patient with yourself and your body as it heals.

1. Do your PT and OT exercises every day, they will make you stronger.

2. Eat when you are hungry and rest when you are tired. (BEST doctor advice ever!)

3. A morning and afternoon nap might be necessary.

4. Allow others to help you if you need their help.

5. Remove all throw rugs or anything that may cause tripping.

6. Exercise your brain. Do puzzles and word searches. Read for short periods of time.

7. I started with a walker and now use a cane only.. Baby steps! :)

8. Set small goals every day. (Example: walk 15 minutes this week, 20 minutes next week with your walker)

9. Have a daily “treat” of some sort to reward your hard work and have something to look forward to.

10. Give a big “thank you” to your caregivers!

Eventually, you will feel better. I had hospital, in-home, and in rehab center therapies for 6 weeks. All of my therapists were wonderful and I was grateful to be in good hands. Most of all, try to smile as you take each step because it is one step closer to your full recovery and to living life again.

Thank God every day that you are alive; I did!

I wish you well in your recovery. Be patient, it does take time. ( I needed work on that one, too!)

Best,
Elizabeth

Just Ask Elizabeth - Help, I'm Rusty With Sending Emails!

Hi Elizabeth.

Can you give me a few hints for email communication to share with my friends? As we communicate more on email and less in person during this year of separation, my email etiquette, especially with personal e-mail correspondence has become rusty. Suggestions?

 Signed, 
Jane

Dear Jane,

Email is truly a popular and ever-present communication method in this era of COVID. It’s okay to feel rusty, we were never prepared for this once-in-a-lifetime situation! You must remind yourself, you are not a robot, but for now, email communication will have to do. I also like to talk on the phone from time to time, but as many people are busy, or don’t have much to “catch up” on during this widespread pause, email can be a good way to let people know you are thinking of them.

Always, always return emails in a timely manner. A day or two seems to be the standard time frame for most people to return messages.

Always be sensitive to the needs of others. Some prefer a shorter email; others a long one. No need to go into extensive details when communicating via email. Keep things “general” in your message and reserve details for later. A phone call might be better, for more serious matters or juicy stories. Always be gracious as you communicate. Always include a “light” moment, perhaps a funny short joke. 

Most importantly, be kind and considerate in your correspondence, and let people know they are on your mind. They will appreciate you reaching out more than your so-called email “mistakes.”

Best,
Elizabeth

Just Ask Elizabeth - F * Bomb

Dear Elizabeth,

I am finding that my use of inappropriate language, specifically the f-bomb, is expanding in this age of the pandemic. I am trying to minimize this but it keeps slipping out left and right. I am embarrassed in public and surprised at myself because I have never used this kind of language in the past. Can we blame a stressful year? Any suggestions are appreciated.

Signed, 
Queen of the F-Bomb


Dear Queen,

I have also been hearing more of the “f- bomb” in public spaces lately; seems to me you are not alone in your sudden temptation to use vivid language. Personally, I avoid this word and intend to keep it that way despite when I am feeling frustrated enough to do so.

Instead, I use a different “F” word as often as I can: forgiveness. Think about this for a moment. Instead of automatically reacting to outside situations with the ever prevalent f-bomb, think of forgiveness instead. For yourself, and the situations that may be driving you to use this language. It really takes on a whole new meaning. Hope this helps to reduce your stress!

Best,
Elizabeth

Just Ask Elizabeth - I Need Help Dealing With Rude People!

Dear Elizabeth,

It seems no matter where I go, I am surrounded by rude, mannerless people. In the grocery store, driving, you name it, they seem to be everywhere! I know that we are all on edge because of the pandemic, but I can never remember a time in my life when people have been like this. How do you handle this?

Signed,

I need help in dealing with rude people!


Dear “I need help in dealing with rude people,”

Great name! I know just what you mean. It feels as if people have been rude, impatient, mannerless, and intolerant of others lately. Just when one jerk appears on the scene it seems that another is right behind them! So how do we deal with these people?

Remember that their actions reveal who they are, NOT who you are, so do not take any of their actions personally.

I say “thank you” to remind them that they forgot to say these two important words. Sometimes I get ignored or receive blank stares, and other times they say “thank you” right back to me.

After a disagreement, I let the other party know how much I appreciate their perspective and end the conversation. If this is unsuccessful, I stop responding altogether.

I often ask if they want my answer or just want to state their position. It gives them a chance to clarify if their opinion is more important than mine. Sometimes I let them be right just to save myself the trouble of going back and forth. My energy is much more important!

Most importantly, I let them know that I love and respect myself and respect them too. Walking away and smiling is best, and not letting their negativity ruin my day.

Take their lemons and make lemonade.  It works every time!

Best,
Elizabeth

Just Ask Elizabeth - My Husband Has A Second Family - Help!

Welcome to “Just Ask Elizabeth.” Week #3

My Feisty Woman advice weekly column offers advice to all women in need of help in their relationships, at whatever stage in their lives.

All advice offered includes the words, thoughts, and actions of feisty women that I have met. What worked for these women may work for you!

Want some feisty advice? Submit your questions on the contact page. Stay tuned every Wednesday for new Q & A’s.

Dear Elizabeth,

After some investigating, I just found out that my husband, who has only a green card, has a “second family” in another country. I am hurt, humiliated, and angry. What do I do?

Signed,
Jean


Dear Jean,

So sorry that you have to experience this.

How did you come about this information? Was it through your own investigating? If so, wow, what a shock. Despite the hard blow, consider yourself lucky to have found this out instead of being blindsided later on. If you two had been married for ten years or longer your husband would be entitled to a part of your pension and Social Security. Time to get moving if this is the case! A friend of mine, Kathy, was in the same situation. After discovering her husband’s second family, she managed to divorce him right before the ten-year period was up. Through her divorce attorney, she found a great private investigator and divorced him right before their ten-year anniversary. Whew! Kathy got rid of her husband and saved her pension and Social Security for her own future. I wish you the best of luck and strength during this time. Keep going!

Best,
Elizabeth

Just Ask Elizabeth - Humor May Be The Best Recourse

Welcome to “Just Ask Elizabeth.” Week #2

My new Feisty Woman advice weekly column offers advice to all women in need of help in their relationships, at whatever stage in their lives.

All advice offered includes the words, thoughts, and actions of feisty women that I have met. What worked for these women may work for you!

Want some feisty advice? Submit your questions on the contact page. Stay tuned every Wednesday for new Q & A’s.

Dear Elizabeth,

I have a pet peeve about people running into me with their shopping cart! This happens to me even in my early morning shopping hours at the grocery store. I just want to let these people “give them a piece of my mind,” but have so far resisted. Any suggestions? 

Signed,
Bonnie


Dear Bonnie,

The same thing just happened to me last week. I have some balance issues due to a recent medical condition, so I know a bit about the shopping cart dilemma because I, too, have bumped my cart into others! I was waiting in the checkout line and got bumped into from behind by a lady…. and her walker 

As I turned around, she immediately started to apologize. I knew exactly how she felt because I have done the same thing. She noticed my cane and wondered how I was navigating with the cane. I immediately relaxed (and so did she) and shared with her that I had many months of walker issues and still use the walker on my daily 4-5 mile walks, per doctor’s orders. I shared that I had “graduated” to the cane, so I knew exactly how she felt! (Never in my life did I ever imagine that I would ever share “walker” and “cane” stories with anyone, but here I was doing just that.)

 I offered her a few tips, which she thanked me for and again apologized. My response to her was…” so, when do you want to walker race?” She immediately broke into a huge smile and started laughing and so did her daughter who was standing behind her, listening to our entire conversation. She responded that “spring would be good,” so that she had time to get used to the walker. We promised to meet on a Monday, a regular shopping day for both of us. We decided to race in the parking lot in spring, maybe April. We both left the store with a smile on our faces!

Sometimes, humor is the best recourse when things like this happen. A little bit of kindness went a long way that day. It always does, feisty ladies!

Best,
Elizabeth